How does it really feel to be uncircumcised?

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A Q&A with our anonymous UMN student “Matt”

Here is a behind-the-scenes interview with our anonymous University of Minnesota student, “Matt,” who is uncircumcised and proud of it. Babies have been circumcised all over the world for various cultural, religious or health reasons for years, but should this really be the norm? This UMN student would like to advocate against circumcision – here’s why:

Q: Do you know why you aren’t circumcised or what influenced your parent’s decision?

A: I actually didn’t know why I was wasn’t circumcised and never really thought to ask my parents about it until this interview. Thankfully, I was able to get mom and pop on the phone and everything was made clear. According to them, the early 90s witnessed a large amount of debate regarding whether circumcision had any medical or hygienic benefit. Many studies were released showing that it didn’t really have any benefits of that kind and my parents, in an attempt to be forward thinking, modern, and progressive, chose not to conform to societal norms. Religion was also a non-factor, thank god. My Dad also said that it was a hell of a lot cheaper not to have the surgery done and “why the hell would I let someone cut off part of my son’s dick?” He also lauded the power of human evolution. If it’s there, it must be there for a reason, right? Thanks Dad, you’re the man.

Q: Is your Dad circumcised?

A: Speaking of my Dad, he actually is circumcised. Growing up, I never asked him about it because I just figured guys had different kinds of penises. By the time I got old enough to know about circumcision, I was a dumb teenager and was way too awkward to ask. It was actually a pretty fun and enlightening conversation when I called him to talk about it.

Q: How did your mom feel about you not being circumcised?

A: One interesting thing to note is that my mom said if she had to do it again, she would have had me circumcised, citing concern of me not fitting in in the locker room etc etc. I told her that was stupid.

Q: Have you always been happy you’re not circumcised?

A: I have 100 percent always been happy that I’m not circumcised, or as I like to say, “intact”. It was never weird in the locker room or anything like that – believe it or not, most guys don’t give a damn about other dudes’ dicks. I didn’t face any bullying or teasing regarding the matter. I was definitely a little curious as to why mine looked different, but the Internet cleared that up for me real quick.

 Q: Why are you such an advocate for not getting circumcised?

A: I am whole-heartedly anti-circumcision because, in my view and many doctors’ view, it is a completely needless procedure based on outdated information, religious silliness, and bullshit societal norms and stigma.

You might say, “but there are medical and hygienic benefits to circumcision.” To that I would say, nope not really. For as many studies that show circumcision helps prevent UTIs, STIs, penile cancer etc there are just as many studies showing that there is no correlation. Even better, countless pediatric associations from around the world condemn circumcision unless totally medically necessary. If you simply clean your baby properly, teach them to clean themselves, and teach them to have safe sex, there won’t be a problem. Is that so hard?

To any other argument that invokes religion or social norms, I’d just disregard that outright. If we are made in a god’s image, as some religions claim, then why would you chop off part of your body? Idiots. Regarding the social norm argument, circumcision is only the norm in the US. That’s it. Everywhere else in the world, being intact is the norm. Those things shouldn’t have any bearing on someone’s anatomy that evolved over thousands of years. Foreskin did not evolve by chance, it has a purpose.

Also, don’t you think it should be someone’s personal choice if they want part of their dick cut off? Not anyone else’s?

There simply isn’t any good reason, unless medically necessary, to mutilate a baby’s genitalia. End of story.

 Q: What are some colloquial terms/euphemisms for an uncircumcised penis?

A: Some terms I’ve heard thrown around include:

Crayon dick

Isosceles triangle

Anteater

Turtleneck dick

Hooded Johnson

Sock Cock